Today’s the day. The big deadline that’s been giving you hives for at least three weeks, or maybe four, and has pegged your anxiety level between a six and an eight on most days is here. Now, finally, it’s time to present your months of hard work. And you nail it, like you knew you would. You can practically taste that celebratory drink when your boss says the most offensive word in the English language to you. “Wow, that was really good actually.”
Actually?
ACTUALLY?
ac·tu·al·ly/ˈak(t)SH(o͞o)əlē/adverb
1) as the truth or facts of a situation; really.”we must pay attention to what young people are actually doing”
2) used to emphasize that something someone has said or done is surprising.”he actually expected me to be pleased about it!”
What your boss is actually saying is that she actually expected you to blow it. And actually it surprises her that you didn’t. Way to exceed expectations?
I’m not sure about you, but I’ve been actually‘d a lot in my life. It happens most often in response to someone reading this blog. Like any writer with a healthy ego, one of my very favorite compliments to get is that someone has read, and enjoyed, my writing. Truly, my decade-plus commitment to my little blog is a labor of love, and nothing pleases me more than when someone else loves it too. AND, because of that I reserve the right to cringe when someone says they actually love it.
It shows up like this: “I read your post on such and such. I loved it. You’re actually a good writer.”
Did you expect to hate it?
Thank you for loving it. And thank you for being surprised that a marketing major with 15 years of experience creating and managing daily communications might, I don’t know, actually be good at communications.
Actually.
Lest I sound like too much of a spoiled brat, here are a few other examples of people getting actually‘d that might resonate:
- You made this beer? It actually has a nice, smooth taste.
- I saw the documentary you made on phytoplankton in the polar regions. It was actually really good.
- You said you were a good climber, but you’re actually a really good climber.
- Your baby is really cute actually!
- I actually really enjoyed your homemade lemon bars.
- Thanks for recommending that yoga class. I actually feel better after going.
- Wow, those bangs look good actually.
I could go on, but you get the point.
Actually is the most offensive word in the English language. Full stop. Saying it reveals your true feelings, and, frankly, makes you seem like kind of an a-hole. Since you probably aren’t an a-hole, I want to encourage you to go ahead and wipe actually from your vocabulary completely. Trust me, you won’t miss it, and neither will your friends. You’ll find that every scenario above gets 87% better when you remove the word completely*, and the best part is you don’t even need a substitute word. No one is the wiser. Plus, you might just be more likable now actually!
(It’s worth nothing that actually is closely related to the for a girl qualifier, which falls into a different category of even greater offense and deserves a rant all on its own; it should also fall out of your vocabulary.)
*many people might be tempted to substitute literally for actually. Just because literally can be used when you actually mean actually, doesn’t mean you should use it that way. I think we can all agree that literally is overplayed at best, and needs to take a little nap.
Enjoy this rant? It will not surprise you that I have others, including ones on beacon boob, women’s pants (pockets, specifically), asking “are you okay?“, and the women of airport bathrooms.
