If you, like me, are struggling to adjust to the new normal in the age of Coronavirus, you may have turned to your favorite alcoholic beverage and accidentally got drunk on a Tuesday. (Or was it Monday?) I’m not here to judge. I want to help. That’s why I’m excited to introduce you to the HydroBed, the ultimate hangover cure!

Picture this:

You come home (no wait, you’re already home!) after a night of drinking. Even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t, you did go for one last beer after all. Or maybe it was two. It doesn’t matter. All you want to do is pee, brush your teeth, and fall into bed. If you’re smart you’ll chug a glass of water then leave a full glass for later on the nightstand.

Tonight, you are smart.

But it doesn’t matter. You wake up at 2am with a throbbing headache and cottonmouth, yet you lack the willpower to make yourself sit up, pick up the glass, bring it to your face, drink the water, put the glass down, and lay back down. You just can’t. So you lay there like a chump tossing and turning in your alcohol-sweat stained sheets lamenting every choice you’ve ever made in your life.

Unsurprisingly, you wake up with a hangover.

And this, my dear friend — the moment where you can’t bring yourself to sit up and bring that water to your face — is why you need a HydroBed!

HydroBed: The Hose The Cures Your Woes

The HydroBed is specifically designed to help you mitigate the leading cause of a hangover — dehydration! — by eliminating the biggest hurdle between you and water: sitting up to drink! Using patented hose technology, the HydroBed will have you drinking 2L in no time. When that bladder is sucked dry, we guarantee you’ll feel better or get your money back!*

Get Started

You most likely already have everything you need to make your own HydroBed. That’s because a HydroBed is the simple combination of a water bladder and your bed.

Making one is easy! Simply find one of your water bladders laying around the house, fill it with water, and chuck it into/onto/next to your bed. It’s best to remove the bladder from the backpack you keep it in, and wash it out if it’s gunky, but that’s not a strict requirement.

Note: this will need to be a bladder with a hose. And ordinary dramadarie won’t cut it. The hose is the key to the whole operation.

Operating Instructions

Now that you have the pieces in place (aka, a full water bladder in your bed), go out/stay in and drink to your heart’s desire. The makers of HydroBed recommend you drink water along with your alcoholic beverage of choice throughout the night as well for optimal product performance.

When you’ve had enough booze for the evening, fall into bed. Make sure that the hose can reach your face, and that you aren’t laying on the hose’s nipple, and you’re good to snooze until you wake up in cold sweats. Then, obviously, suck from the hose until you fall back asleep.

That’s it really. We’re talking about a big water tank connected to a hose that you can drink out of when you don’t want to sit up in the middle of the night because: alcohol. This is not rocket science.

If you find that you really enjoy the HydroBed, you can take it with you! Throw it back in that pack and wear it while you’re walking aimlessly around your house with that beer in your hand. This, my dear friends, is called the HydroBack. Sip from it while you make that second or fourth Quarantini of the night. Or, when you wake up in the morning and have to commute to your home office (HydroShuffle), take it with you to shorten the life of your throbbing headache.

Go forth and drink!

Now that you have the ultimate HydroBed hangover cure locked and loaded, feel free to booze it up to your heart’s delight. Sure it’s only Thursday, (or Tuesday?) but this month has been the longest year any of us have ever experienced. Live a little.

Perhaps you’re like my Aunt Doreen. “I only drink on Fridays and Saturdays,” she said. “But I’m about to have a drinking problem because I no longer know what day it is!”. She is all of us right now. At least we can rest easy knowing we’ll all wake up a little less bleary eyed tomorrow. I just hope tomorrow is a weekend.

*No money was transferred in the making of the HydroBed, so I’m afraid you’re shit out of luck my friend. Just go back to sleep you scoundrel. You’ll feel better eventually.

Want more? Check out The 5 S’s To Cure a Hangover.