How to plan a surprise, secret wedding in 10 easy steps:

1. Get engaged. Tell no one.
2. Decide you don’t want to plan a wedding and opt for a secret, surprise backyard ceremony instead. Make it a western themed pig roast, because you are from Montana and he loves to roast a pig.
3. Go dress shopping. Alone. Surprise even yourself when you say yes to the dress and ugly cry when the sales gal asks you if it’s the one.
4. Convince your family to come to Seattle under the guise that it’s a housewarming party. And oh by the way his family will be here and you don’t want to plan a wedding so this might be the big chance they have to meet. Celebrate when they book tickets to come out. 
5. Put together an elaborate plan to ask the person who set you up to officiate your wedding. Take her to dinner, then figure out a way to work the secret code word “persimmon” into the conversation as a clue to your soon-to-be-spouse to say the magic words: “Will you marry us?“
6. Make a weekly list of tasks starting six weeks before the wedding, then have a daily list for the seven days prior. Scramble over all the last minute crap you just realized you need, and thank your lucky stars that you have helpful (but oblivious) friends and family to step up when needed. 
7. Freak out a little more every day when you realize only four people know about this thing and 70 people are coming and ohmygod how the hell are you going to pull this off? 
8. Run around like a chicken with your head cut off the morning of the party. Get everyone to leave so you can freak out alone while setting up without witnesses. Pull off a miracle, despite a few setbacks with the pig roaster, to get it all ready in time. Take a quick shower, make your sister do your hair, and show up to your own party 20 minutes late, but still 10 minutes before anyone else arrives. 
9. Drink, mingle, try not to have a heart attack over the fact that, in minutes, you will be getting married. Find a creative way to empty the house, then get dressed with your photographer and officiant in secret. Have your Dad sent in so you can surprise him four minutes before everyone else so that he can walk you down the “aisle”. Try not to cry too hard. Fail miserably.
10. Take a deep breath, walk outside, and wait for the man of your dreams to point and say, “Hey, look back there!”. Stand there with your dad, then start walking as the sea parts. Catch the eye of your soon to be spouse and take a deep breath. Appreciate. This is the first day of the rest of your life, and you have an amazing spouse and supportive family and community to share it with.

Afterward: If you want to know how it all came together, read on. Otherwise scroll through for more pictures from our surprise wedding day.

I still cannot BELIEVE we pulled off the surprise wedding! Standing in the back of our yard next to my dad, watching the looks of surprise and shock on everyone’s face when Jordan told them to turn around to see me in a wedding dress, is a moment I will cherish forever. We’re so grateful for everyone who was able to be here, and sad about the people who were unable to come or we weren’t able to include due to space/travel/logistics, etc. We love all of you, and appreciate having you in our lives.

You people have a lot of questions, so here are some answers to let ya’ll in on our secrets:

Yes, we really got married! Some folks thought it was a very elaborate joke, but I’m here to tell you, we signed paperwork and everything! Becca, our friend who is responsible for setting us up, was officially ordained to minister our ceremony, and my friend James and Jordan’s mom signed as our witnesses!

No, no one else knew. We really didn’t tell anyone! We asked Becca to be our officiant in April, and Meghan to be our photographer in June. Add Jordan and me to the list and you have a grand total of….. four people! That’s it. Immediately after the ceremony, we walked back into the house with our families started pointing fingers accusing each other of hiding secrets. We called Dan and Allison up at the beginning of the ceremony to be our Best Man and Maid of Honor, and I planted limes in the pockets of Jordan’s sister Olivia and my friend James under the guise that we were having a scavenger hunt and they would need those later when really they were for our gin & tonic unity ceremony. Only my dad found out before everyone else…by 4 minutes.

We had a rehearsal dinner, but no one knew it! Our families arrived by Friday evening, so we had everyone over for a pizza dinner. It was the first time they met, and I took this sneaky photo of everyone sitting in a circle chatting over ‘za. Little did they know this was a rehearsal dinner!

This idea, like many good ones, was born on a road trip. We’ve been talking about getting hitched for a while, but never had any great ideas as to when and how, and frankly I didn’t want to plan a wedding. I’m not one of those gals who grew up imagining my wedding, and the few things I wanted (a theme wedding. hawaiian rolls.) aren’t generally accepted in “wedding culture”. We were driving home from somewhere in early March when I told Jordan about a friend of our friend McKenzie who had a Gentlemen’s Bocce Ball Tournament wherein the winning couple got a prize. It was rigged, and the prize was that they got married! He thought it was so cool, and I loved the idea of a surprise wedding! A few weeks later it dawned on me that we could do the same thing, and after telling Jordan I had an idea but I wasn’t sure he was ready for it, I suggested that perhaps we should have a housewarming and do a surprise wedding. To my surprise he loved it, and we began planning the wedding on our trip to the Bahamas in late March.

We became officially engaged in our backyard. A few years ago, we went on a trip to see my grandparents in California and we visited an old coal mine. On that trip I was given a “prairie engagement ring” by an old man in a re-enactment blacksmith shop. The ring is a flat-top, horseshoe nail bent in a circle. I’ve always loved it, and Jordan had a platinum band custom designed after the original ring. He was planning to propose in the Bahamas, but the ring wasn’t going to be ready for a while. Then he was going to propose on the summit of Mt. Baker in May, but we didn’t make the top, so he proposed that night in our backyard. It was simple and perfect.

Yes, I bought the dress by myself (and it came with pockets). Knowing the timeline of needing to get a wedding dress, I went dress shopping before we were engaged. I went to one store, tried on six dresses, and bought the very first one I tried on. I loved the ivory color, the open lace, and the fact that it had pockets. When I said yes to the dress, I absolutely ugly-cried in the store by myself. It would have been great to have a gaggle of friends and family with me, but this was one of the trade-offs of a secret wedding.

I picked the theme based entirely on a pair of cowgirl boots. We were in Portland last year shopping at the flee markets when we saw a pair of blue cowgirl boots in my size. They were $12. Jordan bought them for me and I love them, and knew they’d make an excellent wedding shoe as my “something blue”. The Western theme was born from this pair of boots.

Getting everyone here was a challenge, and we regret a few notable absences. Jordan’s parents and sister were planning to come to Seattle for his cousin’s wedding in late July, so we decided to see if they could also come the weekend prior. When they said yes, we started planning the Housewarming Pig Roast for July 14, 2018. I called my family and suggested they come out for the party under the guise that Jordan and I would likely elope so this would be the only chance for our families to meet. My mom booked a flight, and my sisters, dad, brother-in-law, and baby niece drove the 10+ hours each way to attend. My mom also helped convince my grandparents to come with only a few weeks to go – thanks Mom! My best friend Allison lives in San Diego, but she was going to be in the Seattle area for a class, so she came a few days early at my request. My oldest friend and #LimeOfHonor James lives in Chicago, but has a brother in Seattle, so I asked him to pretty please book one of his trips to visit around our party. Then came Jordan’s friends. He’s never specific, so when he called a few of them and asked for a visit on a specific date, they obliged, flying in from Florida and driving up from Portland. The local friends were easier, and we appreciate the folks who let us convince them this was better than Enchantment Permits, climbing in Squamish, and hanging out with their wife and 5-day old baby. But the hardest thing about this party is the folks we weren’t able to be here, specifically Jordan’s brother Adam, his wife Vicki, and kids Sam, Brooke, and Luke. They were especially missed.

We had a few big snafu’s the day of the Pig Roast (with a side of Wedding), but in general the whole thing was relatively stress-free. I have a number of friends planning weddings right now, and it all seems very high-drama. The beauty of a surprise wedding is we had only our own expectations and, overall, things went pretty well. The day of the party our rented, tow-behind propane bbq stripped a screw in the motor and wasn’t turning. We turned it manually for about an hour before the awesome folks at Aurora Rents were able to fix it! And actually, Jordan told that guy it was for a surprise wedding and they really took care of us (so, technically, 5-people knew – shout out for excellent response time and customer service from Aurora Rents!). We also had a few tense moments when a line on one of the kegs blew and when we discovered ants devouring some food, but we got all of that sorted.

My dad found out 4-minutes before he walked me down the aisle. I couldn’t be absent from the party for very long, and we needed to lock up the house to keep everyone out while I got dressed, which is not a very good idea at a “housewarming”. Becca helped me dress while Meghan took photos. When I was ready, we sent Becca out to get my dad (which took a minute, because it happened at the same moment we had the ants-on-the-food situation). He came in, took one look at me, and we both started crying. It was a special moment. “Did you get married?” Yes…well no. We are getting married. “When?” Well, right now! “I better go put my boots back on!” He ran out of the room but I grabbed him and said, well, we have a few more minutes! Meghan snapped photos, then it was time to go outside.

I made my own bouquet, but forgot to carry it. With all of the things to remember and only a few folks to remember them, I forgot my bouquet when I walked down the aisle. I made the bouquet only a few hours before using some of the flowers from the store, but also two roses and a handful of wildflowers from our yard. We also forgot to video call important family members, and we completely neglected to do our First Dance, Father/Daughter Dance, and Mother/Son dance. After the party wrapped up, Jordan and I did share a first dance in our bedroom at 2am. Like the proposal it was intimate, simple, and perfect.

Jordan gathered everyone at the front with an “announcement”, while I snuck out of the house and stood at the back. Then he said “look back there”. Everyone turned in unison. Folks started to gasp, and then cheer. Becca turned on my music, and I walked down the aisle to this version of Here Comes the Sun. Well, it wasn’t an aisle until Jordan asked folks to move and make one. I was so distracted that I didn’t even look at Jordan! But when we locked eyes for the first time, it was a life changing moment. I feel like my heart grew a little, feeling the love coming from him and the support from our community.

Becca performed the ceremony, and did a wonderful job. Four years ago Becca introduced Jordan and I. She’s been a wonderful support system for me both as a friend and colleague, and an amazing friend to Jordan for many years. We are forever grateful for her to setting us up, and cannot imagine our wedding day without her. Many folks could not believe she wasn’t a professional officiant! She told an incredible story of our relationship in her ceremony, which I will share, at least in part, in the future. We also integrated my GrandBob, who officiated a number of weddings in my family, to read the Apache Wedding Blessing in a surprise reading (he really wasn’t in on it either)!

Really, no one else knew. Not even my mother and best friend. Seriously. As proof, here is photographic evidence of what my mother wore to the wedding. Do you think she would have chosen this outfit knowing it’d be memorialized forever in our wedding album?

We cannot thank everyone enough for being a part of this special day. THANK YOU THANK YOU! We hope it was as memorable and fun for you as it was for us.