You’ve never been skiing out your front door before, despite the fact that you grew up in the snowiest place on earth (Montana). In the 17-years you’ve occupied the “big city” you haven’t quite been able to get your poop in a group, even though it’s snowed enough to ski at least twice. But now your time has come. More than 20″ of fluffy white goodness has fallen and set a new 70-year record. GO!
First, gather all of your stuff and set an objective for the day, but just like in the backcountry be sure to observe conditions as you go and respect what the land is telling you. Your inclination will be to wear more layers than normal and bring everything you would for a day in the mountains. I hate to break it to you: you will not need a beacon, shovel, or probe when you’re gliding down the barely-noticeable grade in the middle of NW 77th Street. But do bring layers, and a headlamp, and remember clear glasses/goggles to keep the pounding snow out of your eyeballs.
Make your way out of your house and decide it’s a good idea to ski down your front steps because that one gal on Instagram did it and she looked like a baller. Realize quickly that you are NOT that gal on Instagram when you nearly take out a front tooth on the lightly concealed concrete walkway. Act like you did that on purpose.
Dignity restored, make your way to your route of choice, taking careful note of conditions as you travel. A weak, persistent layer appears on top of the Honda Civic parked down the street, and you notice a looming cornice threatening anyone who dare walk under the house’s eve four houses down. If you need more information, by all means use that shovel you brought to dig a pit and conduct a block test. Safety confirmed, continue on your way.
Discover that, to no one’s surprise, you have grossly overdressed. Strip off those excess layers. Into the bag goes your hat, puffy, other puffy, heavy gloves, and headlamp. Turns out that the streets are pretty well lighted. Open those pant-zips too; you are urban skiing and this is hot business.
The most important component of an urban ski tour is to find friends. You may spot one in the wild, but my recommendation is to coordinate a meetup in advance. You’ll want a buddy for safety and to help you document the snowy-street tomfoolery and drink the 22oz hyper-local microbrew you brought along for the occasion. (It’s after six, what am I, a farmer?) You won’t need to say anything to your friends; the look of awe at the stupid spectacle in front of you will be enough as you stand and share space together.
Waltz/sashay/glide together down the abandoned streets, waving to other urban tourers and dodging the occasional snowball. Find a street that seems *almost* steep enough to ski and psych yourself up for the stoke ahead. Rip your skins, lock into ski mode, and push off! If you’re a person with good taste in friends, that friend will record your potential first-descent on her cell phone… in hyperspeed mode because this is going to take. A. While.
Enjoy your victory beer while watching the video and giggling uncontrollably. Make your way home while enjoying the wonderful snow creations of your neighborhood. Who knew you lived next to so many artistic folk?
Slow down as you reach your block because, even though Seattle has remembered herself and started raining, you don’t want to be done with your urban tour just yet. Take a few deep breaths and feel grateful. You can check Urban Ski Tour off your Bucket List now!
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