Today we’re exploring a new category of bailer that didn’t exist before: The COVID Bailer. Naming that COVID is horrible*, it has given us new vocabulary by which to bail and, frankly, better excuses for our own flakiness. Are you guilty of being one of these COVID Bailers?
As defined by Urban Dictionary, bailing is to leave a group of friends, social gathering, or other such event with little or no warning or reason why. In the outdoor universe, the act of bailing describes someone who cancels plans on their Adventure Partner(s). The timeline for an outdoor bail can be a few hours or a few months, depending on the trip, and excuses for bailing range wildly from the totally understandable to the completely ridiculous.
A few years ago, we explored six different types of bailers from the Accidental Bailer to the Something Better Came Along Bailer. A while later we revised the list to add seven more bailers types, accounting for the After-Party Bailer (who would rather keg stand than kick step) to the Couple Bailer (aka the Double-Dipper Bailers). We also celebrated the most illustrious bailer: the Unicorn. The Unicorn never bails (and always brings the best car snacks). You want to be a Unicorn, but you’re not. You should work on that.
Since you aren’t a Unicorn, the real question is: which type of COVID bailer are you?
#1: The Hypochondriac Bailer
You took a test today because you take a COVID test every day, but you’re feeling a little sniffly and, oh my, is that some scratchiness in the back of your throat? The test says negative but you swear you can see a very faint second line, so you’d better get yourself to the emergency clinic today and bail on your outdoor plans just to be sure. The clinic will fit you in no problem. You are on a first name basis.
#2: The Known Exposure Bailer
You chose to go to a huge event in the days leading up to your big adventure and, whaddya know, one of the other ten thousand people there had COVID and you get an exposure notification on your phone. You opt to bail rather than risk exposing your Adventure Partner(s) to COVID, which, you know, is the right thing to do. But you have to ask yourself, was that big concert really worth it?
#3: The Unknown Exposure Bailer
Like the Known Exposure Bailer, you also chose to go a huge event before your big adventure and, while you don’t have a known exposure, you’re going to bail on your Adventure Partner(s) just in case. Trust me, your adventure partners do not think that big concert was worth it and you should probably reevaluate your poor life choices.
#4: The Fear of Exposure Bailer
Similar to the Soloist, you have built a COVID cocoon and prefer spend time on your own. Despite this well-documented fact, you sometimes make plans with friends thinking this time it will be different. It’s not different. You feel so overwhelmed by the fear of exposure that it all becomes too much and you bail. You want to be that person who can comfortably leave your house, but you just aren’t. Safe inside is your style, and we love you anyway.
#5: The Surprise Positive Test Bailer
Similar to the Hypochondriac, you take regular tests as a general precaution and – surprise! – today you are COVID positive despite feeling 100% fine. You bail and get a standing ovation for demonstrating the ultimate trait to be a good adventure buddy. You aren’t quite a Unicorn, but you’re getting close.
The truth about bailing is that we’re all guilty of it. You are a bailer. I am a bailer. We bail. It’s not a matter of when you will bail, but how. So now that you’ve reviewed the gamut of options: what type of COVID bailer are you? Tell me in the comments, and let me know if you think there’s a type that was missed!
*As of this writing, COVID has killed more than 6.5 million people worldwide. I’m making light of the new excuses COVID has given us to bail on each other, and I fully recognize that COVID is no laughing matter. We all had to make choices and sacrifices during COVID, and it isn’t over. We’re all just surviving, so please know that I applaud you doing you in whatever way it keeps you sane.
